A Letter to Those Who Voted for Trump

We love you. And you love us. Which is why this election hurts so much. You may desire to scroll away, or close this article sent to you by someone you care about. Maybe you're tired of seeing so much controversy over your choice. Yet if you care about them... your daughter who is struggling, your neighbor who is sharing her sadness in enraged memes, your friend who has gone completely quiet, or myself... if you voted for Trump, you may choose to seek understanding and reach instead toward connection.

I placed my hand over my chest and took a deep breath. "Am I getting sick or is this how disregulated my nervous system is right now?" I felt a tightness, a constriction within my chest that was terribly uncomfortable. I loosened my jaw and stretched my neck, unaware of how much tension I'd been holding this past week.

You may be doing just fine. Perhaps it feels like nothing has changed for you. Maybe you even celebrated a bit as your chosen candidate won the election. Or maybe, just like me, you wondered what this world has come to if this is truly the quality of candidate chosen.

I asked a question within my stories on Instagram and Facebook, asking how everyone was doing. An acquaintance shared that he was tired of hearing what a horrible person someone was because of how they voted. We then exchanged a little dialogue and the things we agreed upon... like how we all need to work to close this growing divide within our country rather than widen it. About how the extremes on both right and left combined with what the media portrays rather than the loving acts going on daily in our communities creating a harmful misconception. He brought up the need to put our political views aside and care for each other the way we are all capable of.

I agreed wholeheartedly and knowing his loving wife and kind-hearted daughter, I believe he is doing his best to do exactly that.

But part of bridging this gap of divide can only happen through understanding... and perhaps there are loved ones who don't understand why this election's results was so hurtful to many. I can only speak for myself and the women I support in healing work, not the millions of marginalized citizens whose experiences I've not journeyed.

And it's impossible to simply put these political views aside when they aren't just political views. They are deeply personal.

For example, women like myself who have been violated, seeing that his conviction of sexual abuse and history of degrading women and minorities was not a deal-breaker for you... that feels personal. For my friends who've had an increase in violence toward them under the guise of MAGA support... that feels personal. To see Christian friends claiming he's the chosen one, or even just the "Christian candidate" when Jesus himself wouldn't have stood for so much hate... that feels personal.

As I sat with my emotions and explored more deeply why my chest felt so constricted, I recognized the feeling of grief. The hope I'd felt that we'd show young girls such as my daughter that anything was possible for them ran strong. Instead we showed them that an egotistical rapist who mocks the differently-abled and spreads fiction to ignite hate can acquire the most prestigious office of the land and inspire young boys and grown men to adopt the motto, "Your body, my choice."

This is deeply personal. I explored my emotions further and noticed the resurfacing of memories one would much rather leave to the past. Yet they were triggered by this election for a reason, asking for another layer of healing.

The memories of my body being viewed by another human being as something to take, that harmful phrase of "Your body, my choice" being put into action far before it was shared on social media. The memory of shaking as I filed a restraining order only to have it denied because I didn't know how to explain the abuse, psychological manipulation, and stalking to the male officer who seemed indifferent to my situation. The memories of being harassed in the workplace. The memory of the painful miscarriage that too many still don't understand is medically considered a spontaneous abortion. The memory of laying there vulnerably on the operating table, fading out of consciousness after losing too much blood with the birth of our daughter... knowing there will be more women like Josseli Barnica, who went to the hospital bleeding as she miscarried. But because her doctors said it would be a crime to perform the abortion she needed, she went into sepsis due to a preventable infection and didn't leave the hospital alive like I did. Neither did Yeniifer Alvarez-Estrada Glick. Or Nevaeh Crain. Or Amber Nicole Thurman. Or Candi Miller. Or Taysha Wilkinson-Sobieski. Not to mention the women who've suffered irreparable reproductive damage. This list will only grow.

I continued to sit with my emotions and felt anger rising. Anger over these experiences of my own and the injustice experienced by so many more than myself. Anger over the lack of education surrounding women's true health and wellness. Anger for the women who've felt their voice doesn't matter. Anger that in 2024, this level of misogyny and blatant racism is still so alive in our country. Anger that those who supposedly love me and my daughter could possibly vote for Trump. Anger that since I was a young child I was taught that these big emotions I was experiencing weren't polite, becoming, or feminine.

We were taught to quiet our discontent and be grateful rather than speak our needs and stand up for ourselves. Keeping us feeling shamed for human emotions that give rise to positive change is beneficial to the patriarchal structure.

If a young girl learns that there is no safe space for her emotions, she learns to repress them. And if she learns to repress her emotions, she subsequently learns not to trust herself, for these emotions help to guide her intuitive inner compass. And if she learns not to trust herself, she is more easily manipulated. And if she's easily manipulated, she's easier to take advantage of... by abusers, employers in the workforce, and in the equality of labor in the home. Too many religious institutions, schools, and other community groups exemplify and even glorify this dynamic. Many don't even do so maliciously. They may not be aiming to do harm at all, it's simply a byproduct of the programming we were raised with.

Which is why so many women are feeling enraged. Sad. Hurt. We believed to be working toward a much deserved equality in leadership and honoring of our strengths rather than launched backward.

When such blatant abuse, disrespect, and degrading behavior is rewarded and celebrated, we feel the weight of our own challenges and the sting of our own wounds amplified once again.

If you've not been feeling this way, I'm truly glad you've not experienced the wounds that have been reawakened within myself. If you've been repressing uncertain feelings because you've been programmed to do so, I'm here to help you explore them. And if you love someone feeling this way, please resist the urge to turn away and harden your heart, seeking comfort in only those already aligned with your views. Ask them how they're doing, and genuinely seek to understand. Question what has shaped your choice, and whether there are groups of humans who've walked a different life path than yourself needing your support.

I don't believe you're a horrible person. You made the choice you believed to be the best with the information given and the life experience you have. Perhaps this is an opportunity for all of us to envision life in another's shoes.

Regardless how you voted or how your loved ones voted, there is one crucial reminder that will help us move forward together.

We have the power.

We MUST remember that we have the power. We have the power to choose how we treat one another. We have the power to stand up in courage and choose to connect with compassion. We have the power not to allow what we may have let slide out of the desire not to cause a stir. We have the power to seek greater understanding of our own inner workings. We have the power to educate ourselves about the groups of citizens we may not be a part of. We have the power to lead our own healing and receive support rather than allow our own wounds to harden into impenetrable scars.

We have the power to choose love, and that is a right that cannot be taken away by anyone. Not even a president.

Love & Healing,

Ashley Kay

P.S. If you'd appreciate support in navigating this healing and empowerment journey, plus developing practices such as meditation that help to support your own inner peace throughout the chaos, I'm here. Please explore my offerings as to what would best support you or schedule a free 30 minute consult. You're not alone.