Merry Meltdowns: 5 Tips for a Peaceful Holiday with Highly Sensitive Grownups & Kids

It's that time of year again! Oh, the joys of Christmas carols and family gatherings, classic recipes and exchanging thoughtful gifts. And if you're a highly sensitive human, it can also all be a bit overwhelming! New scenery, more people, strong smells, dietary changes and routine interruptions can lead to meltdowns of both the grownup and miniature kind. So here are five helpful tips to get yourself AND your kids through the holiday season peacefully and with less meltdown moments.

1. Set Realistic Expectations

The holidays often come with high expectations, but over-committing to events, tasks, or social obligations can lead to burnout. Simplify your plans and schedule in downtime. Prioritize what matters most to you, and feel empowered to say no to activities that may feel overwhelming. If you hesitate in saying yes a month out, you'll be even less excited when the event actually gets here.

Already know you'll feel exhausted after traveling to your family gathering? Schedule a PJ's and movies day or evening upon your return and let yourself relax into the peace of just being home. Kids have a holiday concert they'll be pouring their little hearts into? Make sure the day that follows is a gentle one.

It can also be helpful to break down tasks. If there are large tasks (like gift shopping, cooking, or decorating), break them into smaller, more manageable steps. Take breaks between tasks to reset your energy and recognize when something that feels like productivity, can actually be a cherished memory-making experience. For example, you may expect holiday baking to take three hours. But is it of higher importance to you that you get all the cookies and pies baked in three hours, or that your kids get to enjoy the process along with you? Either answer is correct, it's all about what your own expectations are!

2. Maintain Routines

Routines provide structure and predictability, which are key to staying regulated. Even if your usual schedule gets disrupted by holiday activities, try to keep your core routines intact. Maintaining the same bedtime routine with your kids despite being in a different place can help them to feel safe and secure. If your 9pm herbal tea and a gentle stretch is something you cherish at home, make time to do so when traveling as well.

Make sure to carve out time for rest, self-care, and activities that help you recharge, whether that’s quiet time alone, reading poetry (you can find my new book Poetry of a Phoenix: a Collection of Hurt, Healing, and Hope here), or spending time in nature. These activities are often the first to get dropped from our day when things get busy, so schedule them into your calendar as though they are the most important appointments of your week.

3. Create Sensory-Calming Environments

The holidays can be sensory-rich, with bright lights, loud music, or crowded spaces. If you're feeling overwhelmed, try to retreat to a quieter space if you're able, dim the lights, or use noise-canceling headphones to help manage sensory overload. Don't be afraid to take a break and step outside, and allow your kids to do the same.

It can also be helpful to bring comfort items with you. Carrying a small item that brings you comfort, like a stress ball, fidget toy, or calming essential oils, can help you feel grounded when things start to feel too much. Your children likely have a comfort items of choice that help them as well. Make sure you have them along before you leave for a special occasion.

4. Practice Mindfulness and Deep Breathing

Simple deep breathing techniques can help regulate your emotions when things start to feel tense. Try the "4-7-8" breathing technique: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, and exhale for 8 seconds and repeat as long as needed. The beautiful thing about breathwork is that you can be doing so without anyone else being aware of it! You can be mid-conversation and notice tension and discomfort building, so you bring your awareness to your breath and begin feeling calmer in seconds.

Take moments throughout the day to check in with yourself. Focus on your senses (what you see, hear, smell, or feel) to stay present and calm. A short mindfulness practice can help you reset when you're starting to feel overwhelmed.

5. Communicate Your Needs

Remember that you're allowed to advocate for yourself. Be open and communicative with friends and family about your boundaries and needs during the holidays. If you need a break from socializing, or if something feels too much, let others know with kindness. Most people will understand, and communicating your needs can prevent you from reaching a breaking point.

As their grown-up, you are also responsible for creating a safe environment for your children to communicate their needs. If they feel supported and respected when they share their needs, they're more likely to do so with words rather than meltdowns. Remember that some children may have a hard time communicating their needs with other people around, so do your best to advocate for them.

If you anticipate that certain situations (like family gatherings or crowded stores) may trigger stress, plan ahead. Have an exit strategy in mind or take breaks if necessary to keep your stress levels in check.

If you'd like to read more about protecting your peace and embracing your sensitivity, you can find my book Empaths at the Edge: Heal Your Soul, Awaken Your Intuition & Become a Mighty Force of Compassion here! Makes a meaningful gift for someone you love as well.

I hope these five tips to help highly sensitive adults and kids keep meltdowns at bay. Wishing you and your loved ones a joyful and peaceful season!

Love & Healing,

Ashley Kay