Grown Man Toddler Tantrums & A Call for Moms to Lead Peace

ashleykayandy
4 days ago
5 min read

I'm an advocate for peace.

I teach, guide, and support others in nurturing their peace because I've known what it's like to feel the opposite. Such severe anxiety that my body was physically unable to move. Seemingly spontaneous PTSD episodes that left me feeling weak and frustrated. Flashbacks to trauma and abuse that that stripped me of the peace I'd tenderly grown and triggered my nervous system into believing I was in danger. Mothering a wildly active toddler during a fearful world pandemic shut-down.

And yet...

I've never experienced the horror of being ripped from my children's arms, taken from the community I call home, nor held in captivity because of my skin color or immigration status. I've also never experienced the need to flee to another country because I couldn't feed my family, or because my living conditions were so poor that this seemed to be the only option.

"Well if they'd just follow the law..." I've heard proudly boasted or muttered under one's breath, as well as commented online under videos of marginalized members of our country being beaten by men in vests with bold white letters.

We've watched for decades now as our current president drew out the already present racism and misogyny, disguising it in a wrapping of "conservative family values" or "protecting our country". But what it really comes down to is creating an illusion of "us" and "them" and a self-serving man who wouldn't know what kindness or unity felt like if it hit him in the face.

Yet the people are standing up and standing together. In Los Angeles this weekend as 2,000 National Guard soldiers were deployed against the Governor's wishes, people stood together in protest against ICE raids. Governor Newsom stated that there was no widespread violence and that the current administration is "sowing chaos so they can have an excuse to escalate."

There have been countless times so far this year that Trump's behavior can be likened to a toddler's tantrum when not getting his way as quickly or easily as desired. But this mama has defused a toddler tantrum or two.

And I believe we need more mothers to stand up and lead peace.

Any mother knows that the more intensely we react to a toddler tantrum, the longer it lasts. The meltdowns are most easily defused by two things...

PEACE AND PERSISTENCE.

We cannot allow ourselves to get drawn into the chaotic emotions of our toddler and their underdeveloped brain. We must be the adult in the room, manage our own emotions, and stay peaceful. It's not always easy, that's true... especially when we're exhausted and our own nervous system is hanging on by a thread. But it's necessary in order to not allow dysregulation to infiltrate our entire home.

Toddlers challenge our boundaries. If we allow unacceptable behavior to slide by, they'll only continue to challenge those boundaries more and more. Until they decide citizenship to their kingdom can be bought for five million dollars and people they don't like are kicked out and locked away in dungeons forever.

(You know I'm not just talking about toddlers here, right?)

So how do we grow peace within a country that is becoming less stable and more more tense? And how do we do so when already at the limits within our own lives?

Young child's hand grasping their mothers finger

1) Protest Peacefully

If you protest publicly do so as peacefully as possible and encourage all around you to do the same. If violence does break out, you should sit and do your best to start a wave of peaceful sitting rather than allowing the violence to build. Two of the greatest leaders of peaceful world change movements, Martin Luther King Jr. and Mahatma Gandhi advocated for non-violent resistance and civil disobedience. They used meaningful words and connection to bring people together, fighting for the fair and equal treatment of all.

2) Teach Peace To Your Children

In your own home, be a leader of peace. Release previous generations ideas of parenting from an authoritarian mindset, expecting obedience and not welcoming connection in the exchange of ideas. Embrace collaboration, teaching children that their bodies and minds are to be honored and respected. When siblings, cousins, or friends get in a tussle, demonstrate de-escalation rather than letting yourself become a part of their heightened emotions. Teach them how to identify and cope with challenging emotions, giving options as to how they can support themselves in moving through them.

3) Stand Up In The Ways You're Able

Some of us are barely hanging on and completely in survival mode. That's okay, and you're not alone. Be gentle with yourself and allow for rest in order to regain your strength. Ask for help when needed.

Some of us feel uncertain what to do. I believe we each can make profound impact by the small choices we make. Grow a garden and share with your neighbors. Call your state representatives. Turn off the news or put down the phone after getting the major headlines. Choose to be welcoming rather than judgmental. Share your talents and creativity. Get involved in your community. Speak up in the ways you know how. Support political candidates whose decisions are based upon unity and caring for one another rather than violence and division.

4) Begin Viewing ALL Children As Your Children

Instead of thinking of other people's children as someone else's problem, imagine that all of us mothers are caring for all of our children. Give grace and step in with love to help, especially those from different cultural or spiritual backgrounds than your own. You know how you get a bit bristled up when someone messes with your kid? Allow your protective mama bear instincts to kick in for ALL our world's children and do what you can to help a mother who needs you.

5) Nurture YOUR Peace

The only way you can be a force of love and peace in your home, community, and the world around you is by nurturing your own peace within. We cannot share something we do not have. Thankfully, unlike the trees in our now vulnerable national parks, peace and love are renewable resources. The more we grow the energy of both in our own spirits, the more we can pour out and hold steady for those who may need to borrow some.

If you'd like some support with this, you're not alone. Visit here to enjoy the free guided meditations on my YouTube channel for quick stress and anxiety relief, or explore my new program Nurturing Peace Within Motherhood here to learn how to center yourself as a force of peace amidst the chaos of your home AND our country.