The Moment I Discovered Roe vs Wade was Overturned

I sat, stunned on the floor and tears came to my eyes. Baby Leo lay beside me on his play mat as I sank deeper into my knees and ankles trying to ground myself. Our emotionally perceptive Hallie came in, asking me if I could untangle the necklaces her little hands held, before immediately switching to a different question when she saw my face.

"What's wrong, Mom?"

I sighed, and the tears let loose as I took in her concerned face. She repeated her question again, this time kneeling down with me and setting her tangled necklaces down in front of us.

"Mommy feels.... sad. And frustrated. And angry. And a little afraid."

"Why do you feel all those things?" she asked.

How could I answer her? How could I verbalize to a four year old that she now legally had less rights to her body than her mother has had. How could I explain something that was far beyond her years in an honest way?

"Was somebody not kind?" she asked me, as that was a common reason given for her mom's distress.

I took a deep breath.

"Well kiddo, that's a good question. A decision was made today about women and women's bodies. A decision that some people are happy about, but even more are saddened by. A decision that should never be in the hands of those who made it."

"Oh."

My answer seemed to pacify her curiosity as she asked me again to help her untangle her necklaces. I began doing so, pouring my energy and attention into the task. She recognized that the two had made quite a mess together. I sighed and said, "Hallie, this could take some work."

"That's ok, we'll do it together!"

This moment was instantly recognized as one of those life lesson moments, woven into the everyday. Unraveling this tangled mess of politics and religion, of patriarchal beliefs and women's wellness, of control and true power... it will take some work. It will be far from easy, and there will be knots upon knots to untangle with love and care so as not to create further damage.

I know many Christian friends and family members who feel the sanctity of life must be protected. And I wholeheartedly agree. The thing is... this isn't about protecting sweet and innocent babies, as you've been led to believe. I think your pro-choice loved ones agree, nobody wants to see babies harmed. What this issue IS about is power, greed, and control.

If life is precious and must be protected, when did a cluster of cells become more important to protect than the woman growing them? If your sister must be forced to carry an unwanted pregnancy, what consequences are awaiting the man who has impregnated her? If an unplanned pregnancy is dangerous for your daughter's health, how does she have less rights to her own body than the dead who must give written permission to donate so much as an ounce of blood? If your sister who has been raped must carry and potentially share custody of the child unwillingly conceived, why is the punishment for aborting that pregnancy greater than that of the rapist (if he is caught, persecuted and convicted, that is)? If your neighbor who can barely afford the time and money to care for the children she's already born and her partner is unwilling to honor her body and cycle over his own desire, how is she to care for yet another? If your daughter decides to carry, birth, and put your grandchild up for adoption, how can she peacefully let that baby go to an already overwhelmed foster care system known to be a place of hiding for too many abusers?

This is about the sovereignty and sacredness of a woman's body and spirit. This is about a country founded upon religious freedom and the separation of church and state no longer functioning as intended. This is about those who are to uphold the law for the good of the American people, overturning a law that the majority of citizens were in support of.. This is about a societal system that fears disruption on the horizon, trying desperately to maintain the status quo. This is about deepening the challenges for our black and brown sisters than they're already faced with. This is about using politics and religion as a means of controlling other people's lives. This is about the oppression, abuse, and misuse of women's strength, beauty and power.

Yes, this is a tangled mess full of confusing knots. Yes, this will take some serious work.

But we will do it together, for together we RISE.

*If you feel inspired to share your story of how this decision impacts/has impacted you, please reach out to ashleykayandy@gmail.com for an upcoming Heal & Rise Magazine issue on Women's Rights.