The Secret to Self Healing & Growth Most Often Overlooked

When we think of healing and personal growth, our minds crave progress. We want to see visual representation or concrete evidence of ourselves moving forward. Yet the exact opposite can be the most overlooked secret to self healing and growth.

A few months ago I began crocheting a blanket. This project excited me as I hadn't done so in ages. I found comfort in the feel of working with such soft chenille yarn. Yet after I got several rows in, I realized I'd made a GIANT mistake (literally). This blanket was wayyyy too big, far beyond a king sized quilt and would take me far longer and far more yarn expense than I'd planned. I held it up, noticing that its size was not the only problem. I'd also made a couple of mistakes that were only noticeable when I paused and looked back upon my previous work from a greater distance. This mistakes weren't noticed when up close and working on the next row.

I groaned inwardly as it became clear what must be done. I needed to unravel my work, only to reweave it correctly with more care and intention. The timing of this awareness was no coincidence as there was a different type of unraveling that needed to be done... within the relationship with my husband.

We'd gotten to a place where neither of us wanted to be and had begun to recognize patterns that weren't beneficial. We were both unhappy and not living to the fullest of our joy and potential. It was time to unravel. Either our relationship would unravel itself if we continued down this path or we could intentionally choose a different path. A path where we both whole-heartedly chose to unravel these habits and patterns that weren't positive for our family. A path where we could then recreate the kind of relationship we wanted and always knew we were capable of. A path where feelings where honored, boundaries respected, and conflict navigated with patience and kindness.

We chose the second. Together.

Whether you're seeking to mend a relationship that is causing distress, heal your own relationship with your inner self, or create healthy habits and routines that allow you to rise into all you're here to be... we must first unravel. Rather than focusing on implementing a bunch of new and productive habits, let's first look at the ones that currently exist.

Do you really want to spend that first 30 minutes of your day scrolling on social media, or would you rather unravel that habit and reweave it into some morning meditation or a quick walk? Do you really desire to fly off the handle when your loved one triggers you, or would you rather unravel that pattern and reweave it into a pause and deep breath with your hand on your chest before responding mindfully? Do you really want to spend that twenty bucks on alcohol that makes you feel worse as an end result, or would you rather unravel that habit and spend your money and time toward healing the reason you feel the need to drink?

Give yourself grace! We've all developed habits at one point that helped us get by and no longer align. You are free to release these, now that they no longer serve your highest good.

As we journey into the rebirth of spring, lets take this time to clear out the old in order to make way for the new. Just as I had to do with my blanket project, take a moment to "hold up" and reflect upon your life. Where are the holes that don't fit with the big picture of who you wish to be? Where are the areas in need of unraveling? Unravel these areas with gratitude that what once held you together can be recreated to reflect the person you now wish to be!

To get to where you've not yet been

You must take the paths you've yet to travel.

Peace comes not only with what you weave

But with what you choose to unravel.

Love & Healing,

Ashley Kay