A Post-Op Serving of Humble Pie: Lessons Learned Through Pelvic Surgery

If you've been around for awhile, you know I am passionate about helping others heal and rise.

This is why I'm here.

A massive part of why I've been put on this earth in this particular way, place, and time is to help others heal through reconnection. My entire being vibrates with alignment and joy to support women in healing the connection between your body and mind, so your spirit... the truest essence of you can soar.

Encouraging you as you heal and grow in your connection with spirit, nature, your community, your family, and most especially, yourself, delights me to my core.

But don't get me wrong, I didn't magically begin this journey containing all the answers and healing modalities... I learned each as I navigated my own healing and reconnection in astoundingly life-changing ways.

My own experience with anxiety, abuse, and cPTSD eventually led me to practicing massage therapy and teaching yoga. My own traumatic birth experience and undiagnosed post-partum depression led to me to supporting womb healing and empowering women and mothers. My own overwhelm in motherhood led to guiding outdoor meditation and embracing connection with nature through gardening and caring for animals.

Just like yours, my life has been a series of lessons... little trails through the woods that led to me understanding something meaningful about myself. As I tread these trails enough, I soon found others who were beginning them for the first time and desired my companionship as I gently guided them through the obstacles that had tripped me up. And as soon as I got confident that I was becoming quite the excellent trail guide, BAM!- I'd be placed at the head of brand new trail on my journey.

This journey of lessons led me to a brand new trail this past week, the operating room.

But first... about the humble pie.

It was Tuesday night, currently our daughter's favorite night of the week. Tuesday gained its new title of favorite because it is the evening where she gets to go to her dance class that she absolutely loves. I sat in the parent's room reading and chatting, peeking in occasionally on our baby girl who is somehow suddenly eight already.

As the end of class commenced, I felt an increasing discomfort in my lower abdomen. I knew I was to begin menstruating soon and had been feeling increasing levels of luteal pain, but this felt extreme. Upon being released from class I urged her to put her clothes on quickly. By the time we got the freezing cold car warming up my body was keeled over, bent in half from pain. I was doing my best to pep talk myself and reassure a now nervous Hallie that we were okay, we were close to home. I sent up a little moment of thanks that we didn't have far to go. By the time I was making my way to lay down in my bed I was barely holding on to consciousness.

This mama who birthed two large babies knows excruciating pain... and this was it. But those two most intensely painful experiences each had an outcome of an adorable little snuggly squish and we knew why the pelvic pain was occurring.

Why was it this time?

Humble Pie Serving One: Listening to the Whispers

"Listen to your body when it whispers, and you won't have to hear it scream," said a past version of myself to a beloved client as I finished with her massage therapy session at Natural Wellness, my cozy little office housed inside the Cedar Falls Rec Center. She acknowledged allowing the pain to go for too long, not wanting to be a bother to others nor spend money on her own body's wellness. This memory had me recognizing how loudly my body had to scream to get my full attention.

Had I listened to the whispers? What were the whispers?

I realized upon contemplation that my body had been "whispering" for more than two years. I'd done some physical therapy, adjusted my diet, been intentional about movement, and still it was speaking. In fact, volume was more than a whisper and more like a boisterous friend trying to catch your attention across a crowded room. But I'd done my due diligence and gotten checked out at the women's health clinic that I'd received care from before. Or had I? The providers were kind and compassionate, with thorough examinations but this leads me to my

Humble Pie Serving Two: Continuing to Advocate for My Health

It dawned on me that while I'd gone and gotten checked out several times for pelvic pain, even doing ultrasounds with each visit, I never received guidance of a clear answer nor path toward a solution. They found a small fibroid that wasn't suspected to be causing this intense of pain, and I went to physical therapy for awhile which helped some but then seemed to plateau.

What I hadn't done was continue to advocate for myself.

I felt that making and going to these handful of appointments was the advocating. I knew something was wrong, and I went to the people who are supposed to help with what is wrong. But this was just the beginning! I took their findings at face value and fell into a common predicament for women within modern medicine... I gaslit myself over and over into thinking, "well if they didn't find anything substantial enough, maybe I'm making a bigger deal out of this than it really is."

Finally, the morning after keeling over in excruciating pain I was being seen and demanding answers. Well... my demand presented more as tearful expression of how much I was hurting and exhausted of this roller coaster of pain (as well as months of notes on my phone) but nonetheless, I was finally seen by a compassionate and knowledgeable OBGYN who understood this had gone on long enough.

And as we finish this slice, let us serve another as they go so well together.

Humble Pie Serving Three: Prioritizing My Needs

My own inner gaslighting of my pain was not a conscious thought. I never thought to myself, "I'm going to ignore my needs in order to take care of someone else's wants." This inner dismissal of self was due to the programming I'd received growing up a girl who would one day become a mother within this patriarchal society that is built up on women's sacrifice, free labor, and keeping her suffering quiet. It's no secret that women (especially mothers) are praised for not voicing their dissatisfaction of a situation. We're praised even more for putting everyone else's needs before our own and sacrificing ourselves for the good of our children and family.

Ironically, if this were a friend or family member, I'd be right there reminding them with vigor that their own needs matter and ensuring they take care of themselves. And yet there I was acting like my requirement of adequate rest was negotiable and a necessary medical appointment would inconvenience my entire family and our business.

Humble Pie Serving Four: Surgical Findings = Intuition + Surprise

As my incredible doctor and surgeon reviewed amazingly clear images from the laparoscopic pelvic surgery she just performed, fascination rose in my still foggy mind. She showed me the extensive adhesions that my intuition had already knew existed, but now with the understanding of the many precise locations from which they had been lysed. I understood how much of my cyclical pelvic pain was impacted by the very taut adhesion of the uterus to the anterior abdominal wall, multiple adhesions of the omentum to the anterior abdominal wall, and adhesions of the bowel to the pelvic sidewall, ovary and tube. She showed me where a portion of the fallopian tube had looped around an adhesion, then adhered itself to the round ligament, as well as where a paratubal cyst had been removed. Seeing her findings was incredibly validating, and also opened my eyes to things going on within my body that I was now made aware of.

Recovering in bed post-op I shake my head and chuckle at how different my response to all of this would have been had I been my own client. I'd have advocated and encouraged myself to rest, tune into my body and listen to her guidance. I'd have been firm in my need to find answers and understand what was causing such pain. I'd have been gentle with myself and uplifting, reminding me that I only have this one body to house my spirit and it deserves the most loving of care.

Oooh this humble pie was an excellent dish to aid in my recovery. It allowed me to recognize that the ways I'd show up for others, I was neglecting to provide for myself. It was time to internalize these lessons, circle back home to the origin of my practice with greater depth, and nurture myself well again.

Awakening this morning, I am in awe at how much healing I have actually felt occurring overnight. Each day has felt significantly better from the day before and this morning felt profoundly so. I had a few days of resting uninterrupted, reading books and journaling, sleeping deeply, and allowing my body to heal as it already knows how to do. My abdomen is already feeling so much better.

And for one final reminder...

Humble Pie Serving Five: Leaning on the Village

If someone I knew was needing support, I'd do my best to be there in the ways I am able. Despite this, I still noticed myself not wanting to be a burden or inconvenience anybody else.

When I recognized that this was definitely not something I could navigate on my own and surrendered to this truth, my village showed up with an abundance of love and care. From our family caring for our kids, to receiving encouraging messages of support, friends dropping by meals and tea, neighbors having the kids over for extra playdates, thoughtful notes, care baskets, and picking up groceries... the love shown to me and our family has my eyes welling with tears as I type.

This journey has shown me it's time to revisit these lessons, taking them to heart and being intentional about:

• Listening to the whispers

• Advocating for my health and well-being

• Prioritizing my needs as a woman and mother

• Embracing life as intuition + surprise

• Leaning into the village to both give and receive

When the noise of the world is loud and intense, these priorities can feel even more challenging. Are there any of these you're working on with me, or were glad to receive a reminder of?

Let us continue along this journey together, each trail leading us to new discoveries of self!

Healing & Peace,

Ashley Kay