Reflections from the Depths of Hibernation

Hello from the depths of hibernation.

Well... as much of a hibernation as our modern day and age societal constructs can allow for, which frankly isn't near enough.

Do you ever find it funny how during the season where the bast majority of nature abiding animals and plants are resting, we fill our schedules with holiday gatherings, social activities, and very little of what our bodies are often asking for this time of year?

Rest and reflection.

Instead we often wait until our body, in its exhausted and immunity-completely-shot state of being, catches a bug and begins shutting off systems. You know, like the ability to breathe without severe congestion or digest food without it coming right back up.

Which brings me to the current day of hibernation.

I know all of these needs for humans to slow down and stop believing ourselves to be above all other natural creatures of the land. I've written about them in my own journal and publicly, as well as taught about the connections between our own wellness and the rhythms of nature for years. And yet here we are, both kids cozied up in the recliner and on the couch voluntarily napping (which if you know these kids says enough about how they're feeling) and myself reflecting on the past month.

This past month, where I've not shared a single article, blog post, or update of my writing projects.

Because... this is the season where we SHOULD be hibernating. Perhaps not full-on, bear in a cave style, as our human bodies clearly would not survive it. But maybe more like a tree in dormancy.

We were not meant to operate at summer level productivity levels all year long. Especially us sensitive, artistic, creative types of the feminine persuasion. In the autumn we begin to shed those leaves of limiting beliefs and expectations of others, ways of life that no longer fit and fears that deserve us to love them through. This shedding, while natural, can be deeply uncomfortable and leave us feeling raw and exposed.

I experienced an extra dose of that rawness this year.

I'd been struggling with some pelvic health challenges, leading to unpredictability in my energy and pain levels from week to week. It was humbling for someone who has spent so much of my adult life feeling well and able. I had a deeper window of understanding into the chronic pain experienced by so many of my clients and learned more ancient methods of healing I believe we are called to return to alongside the advancements of medicine.

The balance of our family life and function was thrown off kilter as a member of my husband's three person team at his automotive repair chose to pursue employment elsewhere. We made the decision together not to hire a replacement for the position, and together we would manage the responsibilities. This was beautifully eye-opening as I got another window into someone else's life... this time my own husband. I've watched him come home exhausted, physically and mentally beat from the intensity of labor paired with stress of business ownership. I've done my best to be supportive and manage our home and children's education as he's done so but this experience was also humbling and raw. While grateful to have more family time all together (I mean, not often that kids get to go to work with Mom & Dad and play in a cool shop) and we had fun revamping the kids room to support their current homeschooling stage. It's been a lot.

But not just a lot for me. I had a closer view of the "lot" that has been draining my husband's energy. And again there are layers of emotion. Grateful to be together, to have his successful business thriving for over five years now, to witness the quality of care and precision he brings to his customers, but also new awareness growing of the lack of sustainability for his body and all of our minds.

We need to find new ways of doing things.

And maybe we just need a hibernation/dormancy to figure that out?

Speaking of new ways of doing things, the kids are at such beautiful stages of development. It's incredible to watch and be a part of every day.

Yet it also leaves less time for my own humanity.

I had this vision that once the kids could wipe their own bottoms, I'd have much more freedom of time for the books I'm meant to write and teach more classes or even see clients again. Somehow, this stage seems to have worked in reverse! They no longer take naps multiple times a day and they are wildly active. Again... a good thing! I am so grateful to witness the awe-inspiring process of their growth and learning firsthand as we homeschool/nature school and feel the deep honor and privilege of doing so. But doing this 24/7 is certainly an exhausting feat during this season of life.

Perhaps, because we are not hibernating?

During hibernation hints of what's to come can brew underneath the surface while slow and steady healing of tissues occurs. It is not yet an outward display of spring blooms or a full show of lush green foliage. Instead, it's the quiet before it all.

This is where we decide what branches of life to pour more energy and resources into, and what branches no longer serving the greater good of this tree of ours.

While there may be some commitments the rest of this winter season requires of us, I also plan to create moments of micro-hibernation. Demi-dormancy, if you will. As we've begun to do so I've already noticed...

My body is still healing. Still asking for gentle restrengthening.

My home is asking to be cleared. Less things. More contented presence and hygge energy.

My spirit is ready for new outdoor adventures.

My writing projects are simmering beneath the surface, as the hundreds of yellow note pad pages will be nurtured into a book and an community-based project to change the lives of women and families in a major way.

My remembrance of connection and communication with the spirits of nature and our ancestors is being restored.

My desire to create more freedom for my husband's time is growing. Our whole family is readying for more travel, more playfulness, more FUN and exploration.

Not full-force spring blossoming... yet.

But the healing we do, the mindsets we shift, and the habits we foster now in the dark and quiet of winter determine where we go from here.

And I have a profound premonition that this growing season is going to be an absolutely beautiful one.